Kokoro no Sumika
by MimicTanooki
Summary: YAOI! ShinjiKaworu! Song-fic to Heat Guy J's
1. Kokoro No Sumika

Kokoro no Sumika ShinjixKowaru  
  
A/N: The world needs more Shinji/Kaworu! Everyone really likes Asuka/Shinji as a pairing, but I personally dislike it, so that's why I'm writing this! :3 This is YAOI so, these are 2 MALE LOVERS, kapeesh? I own nothing...But if you want, you can pretend I do! This is to the first ending song of heat guy J, "Kokoro no Sumika". Lyrics are in /.../. Read on!  
  
Shinji P.O.V.  
  
I sigh softly, sitting cross-legged on my futon, absently staring at Kaworu sleeping beside me. Strong, morning sunlight streams into the room and I can only wonder how Kaworu is not bothered by this. His pale skin looks soft and radiant in the light. His eyes are shut peacefully, and his face shows the reminiscent of a smile. I wish I could be as blissful as him when he sleeps and not plagued by dark thoughts and nightmares.  
  
We're dressed in casual pajama clothes, since we don't have any school today and can sleep-in. Obviously, Kaworu has taken advantage of this fact. I glance at the digital clocks flashing red numbers. 9:00am. Kaworu rolls over and stretches out, not quite awake and not-quite asleep. He's still dreaming though. His shirt rides up and I can see his midriff. I blush slightly, and can't help but gently stroke Kaworu's snowy white hair out of his eyes. I can't get too attached to him, so that he isn't burdened by a mortal like me.  
  
/Your warm, soft, and comfortable voice has backfired on me now.

This was good for the both of us./  
  
While Kaworu is basking in the sun, I'm sitting here, almost alone. But then again, just by being in your presence I feel safer. I feel more secure when you have you arms protectively snaked around my body. I feel loved when you kiss away my tears and whisper into my ear. Yet, I feel confused when you sit all alone and don't speak, even to me. Are you afraid that someday I won't love you? This tentative love will turn into something resembling a broken heart someday, and I can't stand it. Loving an Angel makes me feel so insupperior.  
  
/The line that doesn't even fit me is now reminding me of you even more.

The loneliness which basked in the morning sun without sleep

Is still bound to your love./  
  
"Good Morning, Shin-chan" Kaworu says sweetly, staring up at me with half- lidded ruby eyes. I love his voice. I love the way he speaks to me especially, since he hides nothing and conveys everything to me.  
  
"Good morning, Kaworu" I reply, smiling at Kaworu drowsiness. He's so cute like this.  
  
"I'm going back to sleep now, okay?" he asks, his head dropping back onto the soft pillow. I smile and nod slightly and Kaworu wraps himself up in blankets and instantly falls asleep. I lean in and gently kiss his forehead, briefly embracing him.  
  
"I love you" I whisper softly before I get up and find a pen and a piece of paper, to write a note explaining why I am leaving.  
  
/I just desperately try to find where I'm headed.

Can you whisper to me with that voice?/  
  
Tears sting in my eyes, as I apologise for something I'm not sure of. I'm not even sure what I have done, but it means something to Kaworu. It's better this way if he can do what he has to do on his own, and I will live somewhere else. I'm not good enough for such a perfect creation as him. I will only cause him to suffer a feeling of despair and he'll feel trapped. I bite my lip and I sign my name.  
  
[1]Aishiteru zutto...Shinji  
  
I grab a pre-packed bag and don't even bother to change into normal clothes.  
  
"Goodbye, my Angel" I say softly, rubbing a tear off of my face before turning and leaving Kaworu behind.  
  
NORMAL P.O.V.  
  
"Oh, Shinji" Kaworu says, tears staining his cheeks, "Why couldn't you just have spoken out your feelings? I really love you..." Kaworu curled up in his futon and hugged his pillow, sobbing miserably in the morning light.  
  
/If I knew it would be painful like this, I wish I hadn't met you./  
  
A/N: Wow, sad. That's a first for me. I love writing sad stories, if only if I'm in the mood. Yeah, I wanted to do a song fic, so that's what I did! I'm liking this whole ff.net thingy! I might write a little continuation!  
  
(gaspeth more than one chapter?! THE WORLD HAS COME TO AN END!!!!!) Yeah, I'm done now...Please review my little demented stories! :3


	2. Hikari

  
  
Chapter 2: Hikari

Shinji P.O.V.  
  
A/N: CHAPTER 2!!!!!!! X3 Nyao! It's thunderstorming outside of my window which is beside my computer! Yeah, and I can't help but want the ending to be fairly happy. Is his cheesy? I hate cheese, it's nasty. It comes from cows. :/ The actual cow is yummy though! Cows are yummy! Mmm...:3 I OWN NOBODY! But myself, so DON'T STEAL ME!!!! Sonf-fic to "Hikari" which is the 2ND ending theme of Heat Guy J. You guys see a pattern here?  
  
/Hiding the tears in your eyes, where are you off to?

A traveller, who's looking for the answers from a fleeting dream./  
  
I quickly take an empty seat on the train. I begin to catch my breath, glad that I narrowly made it in time to get onto the train. I cradled my walkman and looked out the window and sighed, unable to keep Kaworu out of my mind.  
  
This is where I ran away from Misato. But she stopped me just in time. I hear the announcer say that the train is now leaving the station. I can almost picture Kaworu desperately trying to catch up with me and save me.  
  
"SHINJI!!!!" I hear a scream, "SHINJI DON'T GO!!!!" I look out the window and see a white-haired teen running towards the train and weaving in between confused people.  
  
"SHINJI!!! PLEASE, UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE YOU!!!!" he cries, and now I can see tears running down his beet-red face. My eyes widen and I clutch the latch of my window and fling it open.  
  
/ I'm embracing you, not reaching you,

but still I want to share my warmth with your heart./  
  
"Kaworu! What are you doing here?" I call after him, sticking my head out of the window.  
  
"DON'T LEAVE ME!" He shouts desperately, panting loudly, but never ceasing to run. The train starts to move just as Kaworu reaches the boarding platform.  
  
"Why, Kaworu, why do you love me?" I ask as he tries to keep up with the speeding train.  
  
"YOU MAKE MY LIFE WORTH LIVING!!! IT'S ME WHO DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!!!" he yells in anguish, his ruby eyes staring right into mine for a split second. I feel as if my soul is pierced and I come to a realisation. I'm such a stupid idiot...  
  
/Even if just a little bit I will be here, always

Even if you go on your journey and never look back, I will be the wind, chasing after you for eternity /  
  
I faintly hear Kaworu screaming my name over and over, and I can feel that he is crying. I bite my lip. How could I be such a dumbass to leave him like this if he truly loves me. But then again, maybe it is better this way. Perhaps, I should try to forget about him. I slip on my head phones and lose myself to the music.  
  
Kaworu P.O.V.  
  
I stand there, sobbing loudly, my body trembling. I didn't make it in time, Shinji left me. I made a futile attempt to wipe away the tears rolling rapidly down my cheeks. I sniffle as I remember his shocked face, and how he seemed to regret his decision. I bite my lip to force it to stop trembling, but it ends up bleeding instead. The blood and tears mingle together as I collapse to the floor and people give me odd stares. I don't care, I just want my Shinji back...  
  
/Wherever you may be In the city desolated by winter,

your smile always delivers the clear light/  
  
Shinji P.O.V.  
  
I got off sooner than I should have, in a cold city. I look around and see no one in sight. I'll fit in perfectly, since this is a ghost town, and I am a mere image of what I was without the Angel that is Kowaru. I shiver, missing his warmth, and starting to wander off in search of a shelter. I can't force you out of head, no matter what, and you will haunt me forever. Your sly smile, those crimson orbs, the pale skin glistening with sweat under the moonlight as we make sweet, sweet love...  
  
I sniffle and rub my arms for warmth. A lone snowflake falls and melts on the cold hard ground.  
  
"Snow?" I question, looking up the snowflakes which start to fall harder. I rush over to a shelter, no longer mesmerised by the beauty of it all and sit by the boarding station sadly.  
  
/I hope someday a tear of comfort will reach the too strong sadness that we can't share

I will be here, always/  
  
I sit on a bench and place my bag beside me. I have very few possessions that mean anything to me. Only Kaworu. I shiver as my breath comes out in white puffs. It's freezing. I whimper softly, and start to cry out of pure self-pity for myself.  
  
"I'm so stupid" I mutter in between tears. I look into the dark tunnel and grow angry at myself. I stand up in rage.  
  
"I HATE THIS!!! WHY AM I ALWAYS ALONE?!?!?" I scream to no one.  
  
"You don't have to be alone, Shin-chan" a voice says softly. I look around frantically for the owner of the voice. Kaworu promptly appears out of the tunnel and smiles softly, tears still rolling down his cheeks.  
  
"Kaworu...You came" I gasp.  
  
"I missed you Shin-chan" he says, climbing onto the platform and embracing me tightly, "Now let's go home"  
  
/At the end of our travels where we didn't look back,

We will begin to create a world of light and wind.

Take my hand/  
  
A/N: It's over...Wow. I'm still hungry! I'm going to grab some dark chocolate! Ooo! My fav! But you don't care, do you? Meh, anyhoo, pweez review my story! You know you want to! I mean...I think you know what you want...right? I mean...you should know....yeah....okay, right, bye! :3 (REVIEW!)


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